Panic Attacks

       I read something today that stirred my memories. Fourteen years ago, I almost died. I was pregnant with my first child and my placenta separated from my uterus. David Jr. and I both almost died. While I was on the operating table the anesthesiologist gave me the medicine in the wrong order and it began slowing down the way I normally breath. This caused me to believe that I could not breath. I began to tell them that I could not breath. Over and over again I would say this and they would tell me I was okay. I prayed to God that they were right and I asked Him to knock me out because I could not take this feeling of suffocating. I was immediately knocked out. He is SO merciful! After the ordeal was over and I was back in my room. I had my first panic attack ever. When it began to get dark outside, it started. I would feel like I couldn't breath. Every time I tried to sleep I would feel like I was going to die. I told the nurses that something was wrong and I felt like I was going to die. They could not help me. Instead they gave me a really strong sleeping pill. I was sent home soon after and the panic attacks continued. Every night when I would try to sleep the tortuous attacks would start. I would be so tired and having a newborn, sleep was important, but my body truly believed that if I fell asleep I would die. My heart would race, I would break out in a sweat, I would have unexplained anxiety and have to always be doing things. The only time I could sit down was when I was watching a super scary movie. Which I normally didn't watch but, I guess it was the only thing I could either relate too or it was so far from my ordeal that it calmed me. Every time I turned to my Bible I would be ironically led to scriptures on death and they DID NOT calm me. These scriptures that once gave me hope and peace now were being used as a tool to hurt me. I could not lay in a dentist chair. The dentist had to do my root canal in an upside down position because of my panic attacks. Thank God once again for His mercy. She could have just turned me away. I soon found that the only way I could sleep soundly was with my little David in my arms. For some reason I wouldn't die if he was in my arms. I know, crazy huh? So, for a year and I half I dealt with these things. They consumed me. A number of years prior to getting pregnant I had bought a tape series by Rod Parsley it was title "There's a Devil Loose". (I think?) I pulled them out and decided that if I couldn't get the scriptures in me through reading the Word then a least I could listen to them. Mostly he talked of demons and angels and such all very educating. Somewhere during this series Rod Parsley yelled, "FEAR IS OF THE DEVIL!!!!" It was as if he was speaking directly to me. Something inside me stirred. Right in my chest I felt it. It gently lifted up and out of my head. You maybe thinking I AM crazy right now, but I don't care. Cause it left me. Those panic attacks...they left that night. And for thirteen and a half years I have lived a panic attack free life. I know that God loosed me from the grips of satan that night and I will forever be thankful to Him. I wrote this in hopes that if you are struggling with panic attacks you may be free. I know that no one understands these. Not even us, the ones being plagued by them. Our spouses, our friends, no one can help us and they either dismiss them, make fun of them, or argue with us over them. But I know they are real. I know how crippling and debilitating they can be. I pray for you! I pray deliverance for you. God is the only One who can take them away. I know what He did for me was a miracle. He is in the miracle business and He will lead you to away out, if you just listen and seek Him always!

The Truth in Love,
Heidi Shepherd