No More Radishes!

     So, I am reading this book a friend loaned me; Free Inside and Out by Marilyn Meberg and Luci Swindoll. I came to a part in this book and it touched my heart in so many ways and started me thinking. In this book Marilyn tells how when her daughter started Kindergarten she also became really close with a little boy in her class. This boy used to bring all kinds of goodies, like cookies, brownies and radishes, from home and they would share them under their "munching tree". Around Christmas time this young boy found a new love and began sharing his goodies with her. This not only broke Marilyn's daughter's heart it also broke Marilyn's.


"I took Beth's loss hard. I hated seeing her sad little face each morning as she trudged off to school. I even went so far as to ask if she'd like me to send a little baggie of radishes with her. "No, Mama," she answered sadly. "The only good thing about no more chats under the munching tree is I don't have to pretend I like radishes. But mostly, Mama, I know I will never get over this. It's too big for my heart." 


     My first thought upon reading this was how many times was "it too big for my heart?" How many times have we been hurt so badly that we knew with certainty we would never recover. It is like a little piece of us fell off and we could not replace it so we just learned to live, cope without that part of us. When a person is in an abusive relationship regardless of whether it is physical or verbal their heart is CONSTANTLY being hurt in ways that are just "too big" for it. So, they lose one piece after another trying to live...to cope. Soon if the victim looses enough pieces they will lose them self.
     Another thing that stuck out to me was something I am sure most people will miss and I am sure even Marilyn probably won't address in her book (if I am wrong I will address this in a comment following this blog). Did you notice that the little girl was "pretending to like the radishes". As a woman recovering from an abusive relationship, when I read that line I thought to myself; "How many times did I eat radishes and pretend to like them?" If that little boy truly loved her, he would have known she was pretending and let her off the hook. True love will not let you sacrifice for them if they can help it. Thanks to my dear friend Jayce, I am learning this.
     Lastly, I wanted to share with you the last little part of this story. Marilyn was talking with her daughter THIRTY-THREE years AFTER the "broken heart";


"I asked her if she remembered Harvey and the heart-hurt he had inflicted on her in kindergarten. She paused for several seconds and then said, "I haven't eaten a radish since."


     Thirty-three years! Our hearts may recover, but they never truly heal. I have done a lot of crying these last few months. My heart has been given hurts that are just "too big" for it over and over again. My boys' hearts have been given hurts that are just "too big" for them as well. They do a lot of coping too. Matthew has severe depression and cry's a lot. His heart is very sensitive. David Jr. talks quietly with me a lot. Our favorite spot is in my room. He lays on his stomach and just talks while I lay beside him and listen.  My boy's are continually "heart-hurt" again and again by this person as he chooses to love another as a son so easily.  Our family is climbing up and over the "heart-hurts" inflicted upon us by the one who was supposed to love us. We are making new memories. As my friend Jayce put it, it's like those heart-hurts from the past and even now are like tiny little peas and the new happy memories we make are like beautiful stones. With each new "heart-happy" memory we make we cover up the peas and eventually all we have are bright, sparkly (my own adjectives, haha!)  stones. The peas become smooshed.
     I don't know where you are on your road to healing from whatever heart-hurts this life has given you. But I pray for you. I pray you are able to fill your heart with enough heart-happy memories that they smoosh out the stinkin', rotten' peas of pain. I pray that you are not the cause of someone else's heart-hurts. If you are then I pray you stop. I pray you learn to love yourself and don't need to hurt those you love to try and fix something broken inside you. Most of all I pray for all of you, Jesus. For there is no true healing unless your heart is given to the Master Physician. I know...He has healed my heart-hurts again and again.


the TRUTH in LOVE, Heidi Shepherd